Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
