somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
