The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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