does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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