So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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