I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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