obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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