The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
