I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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