Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
