My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
