I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
