So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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