I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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