Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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