he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
