I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
