I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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