At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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