We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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