Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
