So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
i've created a new STD.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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