This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
