i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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