I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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