Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
