you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
