I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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