she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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