I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
