I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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