batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
