i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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