I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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