Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
