Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
