Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
