If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
