there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You are the jesus of drinking
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
