so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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