i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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