i'm signing you up for texting rehab
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
