Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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