Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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