i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
