You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
MIDGETS
????
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
