yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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