You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
