I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize