the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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