can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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