This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
