I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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