nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
