It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I deserve this hangover.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
