fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I checked into jail on foursquare
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
