Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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