8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
