6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
