She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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