at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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