Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
