if you like me you must not know who I am
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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