Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
