I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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